I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
