Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
