I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
