guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
