it was like his penis was on wheels.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
