"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When are your genitals available?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
