Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
