just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
