I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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