She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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