I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
