Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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