i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Welp...herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize