Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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