Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
