its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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