Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
