i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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