Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
