your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
