2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
