so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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