I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
