i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
