Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
