You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
