suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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