I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
