I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
