It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
