Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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