I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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