I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
