I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
