Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize