The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
