White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You ruined the universe
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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