I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
