In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
