i was born a porn star she said
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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