felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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