Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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