im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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