if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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