True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
