I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
