I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
