Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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