the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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