Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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