Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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