I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Damn victory sex feels great
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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