I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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