she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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