If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize