At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
