Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my being single is dangerous.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
