You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
