He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
