I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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