i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
