So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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