I wanna passion pit in your ass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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