They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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