At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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