just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
