so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
