i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
