well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
