Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
