So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
