I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
