those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
