my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
