Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
