We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
