Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize