Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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