I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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