saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize