I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize