Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
