Me too!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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