So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
