I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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